Have your ever wondered?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be different? 

wonder what it would feel like to have a noose around your neck

or swallow a handful of pills.

Dress in a way that expresses your inner self even if it calls for latex.

Feel empty inside because you threw up or haven't eaten in days.

Feel too scared to open your own door to go outside.

Make yourself unnoticeable because you can't look in someone's eyes. 

Scared of the dark even though your kids grew out of that fear years ago.

Cry yourself to sleep for no reason.

Eat until you are beyond full because its comforting.

Slice your skin open with a blade because you couldn't control yourself

Repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat yourself because you have a magic number.

Hear voices that no one else can because they are all in your head.

Unable to control your own body because someone else took over it.

Unable to sit still or pay attention.

Be rejected by the people you grew up with because you changed.

Have you really ever wondered how awful it is to be different? 

To be ridiculed by someone who claims to be normal.

Skin

Little by little I'll shed this skin

not for something you can lose or win,

but simply for my own peace of mind. 

I will shed this skin like a flower

petal by petal I become smaller. 

Some will say I am small and others strong, 

others will worry where my petals have gone. 

art by: Stasia Burrington

New Years Eve

Loves lost

Loves gained

Loves kept

Loves drained

Loves met

Loves cost

Loves woes

Loves foes

Loves old

Loves new

Love must never feel used

Love is a thing that must be cherished 

Love is a thing that cannot be abused

Love must be mutual 

Love must be balanced

It's about to be a new year and I've so much to do and finish. I will be fasting from dating this year I know many people think that it is foolish but I am not worried or feel shame.

Losing love

Every now and again someone strolls through your life who has a keen eye for you and tells you of great futures and treats you with gifts and jokes. You fall in love or at least like you give that someone a chance and you are struck blind. Patterns develop and you live your illusion.

I love you... I love you too. 

Months pass and every meeting ends in tears of sadness or frustration. You feel choked you can't be yourself you are playing a role of another. They spin you more tales and give you gifts that make you smile again until the roses fade and petals drop. The happiness that they see is fake its false you only find shelter alone in your room.
Getting away is difficult and the separation seems agonizing to think of... but then... A moment of clarity in separation. Your mind calm analyses the web. A web full of patterns, memories, flowers and gifts. Disillusioned you come to your senses you can't stay in a web you escaped a cage just to run into a web. A web that promises so much yet will only give a little. Promises to fix the broken pieces but it's been said too many times.

One more chance... 

...but...the web...  

But I love you. 

No words can pass from your lips. You can't agree on their level it's unfair..

I can't. Is all you can muster. I can't...

The bite of winter

The bite of winter is occasionally unbearable to many of the people who live here in Oklahoma. 

I find the cold very inviting in an odd way. The feeling of the cold wind on a warm face can be thrilling in it's own way but to be honest the best part is when you are snuggled up in your warm bed with someone you love. 

It's the beauty of ruin.